High on Rainbow Chip cookies and Tombstone: being Green by Frank Sinatra

I’m really wrestling with myself 

Eating a scaling tale 

ITs compulsory 

Its unsatisfactory 

But here I am eating my end knowing that I must go on 

love crooning 

Its confusing to feel like a lover is here with me

But have turned out the window 

What’s the safest thing that will let me love it with an ethereal sincerity?

I swear I have ions and light years of love to give

I sing my gaze towards the trees 

My hum deepens from my skeletal frame 

I echoe

Honey, you are a rock, upon which i stand..

Yeah the spotlight shines upon you

How could anybody deny you?

I came here with a low

It feels so much lighter than when i met you

Honey you should know

That i could never go on without you

Honey you are the sea upon which i flow

Sea foam Pertinence 

I find myself really angry lately 

“do it angry” these bones whisper

Tended towards shut down As

A fragile flame harmed in flinch by the hush of flint 

Ive retreated for very little

able to shut down from very important matters in my life

It can cost me a lot 

It continues to cost me in buckets of shame located 

As tension in my back shoulders and middle vertebrae’s

Dividends I owe and flee to date

Honey you are the Sea upon which I flow 

I grieve in anger the lostness I feel within my own Indigenous community

Where is within?

The child in me says here, where i am no?

I look to others and think, maybe its there, or there

And this becomes true too

My community and the labyrinth i am searching for is the distance between myself and those my bones remembers

These are all of my relations

IT takes a village

..

I ran to find my dad before he left the council meeting, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in a year.  The reality of being around him feels like the tension of eating scales from my back

I felt the the goose Pimples of my cold and creased reptilian skin but something warm and mature in me said, go hug your father, its important to hug your father 

i ran from the North end of the POW wow grounds, around the East circle, Skimming every brown head for a pair of the yellow Oakley sunglasses

parking lot.. 

I tapped him on the shoulder and said, hey, do you remember me

He stammered and it felt like he was an old elder I’d not seen since i was a baby. did i have to tell him who my grama and grampa are so he could place me?

“Your first born..  Ring any bells“? 

Oh hey girl..“

I know we don’t talk but i still wanted to run up and give you a hug 

he looked sickly as ever

Sounded sick in a different way by his voice 

The wrestling v, 

I don’t want to be a grown ass wombman who’s fake nice, doesn’t say what she means, and certainly doesn’t tell the truth when it’s boiling inside her

But there I again

I walked away feeling The flood that I feel after seeing him, feeling the energy.. 

if your parents are addicted

If your parents are not the parents 

If your parents are harmful

LIving fatherless with a dad 

Feeling motherless with a mom (presently uninvited in my life)

Big times at Vmont High 

The tension of eating scales off my back

Dragon tales ive carried well beyond their growing stageS

My buffalo hump a symbol of these energetics

I am becoming the soul i am meant to be 

Which maybe is to say I am becoming honest by becoming independent enough to ask for help

To sense my limitations and unease

And hear where I’ve patterned to ignore tensions and my authentic voice 

Many rushing mystery

moments and memories Pebble thru me 

in such a brief decision to hug my father whose cough and appearance made me wonder if he’ll make it to 50 

The body remembers

And the soul

Knows something far older 

Something like “what we came here with” 

But not from a place on high

From the trees out my window

I come

To these

In truth and dependency I will return

I cant ship my remains to outer space

But even there my ethers will fractal 

In motion as some sort of rain drop speck

Drizzling into the atmosphere

Known as the now in space

Where they have made time from fire

And continue to wage war against the moon 

dark resistance

rest, ease, death, communal fire

truth comes you can‘T hear it 

Because you’ve been

programmed To fear it 

Darkness Yan 

Darkness Is Winter

Darkness Is rest

Darkness is becoming cool

But darkness is always always 

Never apart from light 

Its a love song upholding the romance of dawns diligence 

She tires 

And she tires

But she rises again

Over and over 

Let it be In her great freshwater lakes 

And it is in the Milky Way 

Says the head and the tail 

Gods